SPRING OLYMPICS FEATURES NEW COUNTRIES AND NEW EVENTS

By BOB COSTAS

Associated Press Writer

PHOENIX(AP) – Desert Horizon Park once more played host to the second ever Spring Olympics. After facing a series of scheduling hurdles, a cold front moving through Arizona allowing one last opportunity to hold the games. Five countries from around the world attended the games; however, notably none of last year’s countries returned. None responded to requests for comments.

This year’s games favored the use of blind folds, something that was apparent from the beginning. The blind-folded soccer dribbling race made it painfully clear that not one of the countries had actually seen or heard of the sport. Coaches madly ushered, seemingly aimless, blind dribblers to the finish line; Azerbaijan took gold followed by Kiribati and Dominica. Historians noted the race as the slowest in Olympic history.

Chaos ensued during the qualifying round of the back-to-back race. Angola squandered a solid lead allowing both Azerbaijan and Kiribati to cause a triple-team crash at the finish line. Replays showed Azerbaijan and Kiribati to have tied, setting up a one-on-one race, in which, Kiribati dominated. Dominca , East Timor and Kiribati finished the medal race first, second, and third.

While a wheel barrow race was familiar to the athletes, the blind folded version induced sufficient laughter to impair performance. During practice rounds, East Timor’s unique cultural technique looked most like a dinosaur, though some related it to a pre-historic salamander. In the end, Dominica motored to victory. Thankfully none of the wheel barrows were converted to lawn mowers.

Strong winds required heavy modification to the game known only as ‘keep the balloon afloat’. Play balls were substituted for the balloons and even then the event was beyond the skill of most countries. Likely the IOC will not be using this game again. Relying on another traditional and beautiful technique, East Timor used the “mini-bounce” to dominate the event

Back on the court, the jump roping proved to be much easier, as the only measure of success was running through. Many competitors executed perfectly although verbal mis-timings lead to spectacular run-ins with the rope. Jump rope is amazingly popular in West Africa, and it was no surprise Angola was able to use the event to get on the score board.

The final event was a modification of last year’s watering hole. The addition of a water balloon relay led to efficient water transfer, and it all but guaranteed a water balloon fight. Competitors did not disappoint and a barrage of water balloons left many wet and refreshed.

The medal ceremony was marked by live recorded music, no national anthems, short thank you speeches and threats of revenge. This year’s closing ceremony featured peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, water melon and perfect spring summer weather for the Olympic picnic. Cheers to Olympians – they are inspirations to us all.

The final medal count: